Well, today has been a tired day so far. I went to an AA meeting this morning at 10 am. I think it was the earliest meeting I've ever been to! I was half asleep the whole time and the coffee wasn't helping. The topics were wonderful, and there was a lot of joy in the room. I kept staring out the windows at the bright sunlight shining on the snow, wishing I could dive into the sunlight (not the snow). I spoke up a bit about how I so quickly recovered from losing my jobs recently, and how I believed that was because of all my new friends at downtown mission church. I knew they were praying for me, and I felt it. I rushed out as soon as it was over into the bright snow lit mid morning.
Driving home I listened to uplifting audio sermons, but didn't quite mean it inside my head, because I was just so tired. I talked to a friend from church about staying in my basement a few weeks. So on and so forth.
I find myself thinking. I want true peace of mind, and not peace of mind that is only there in happiness. I want peace of mind when the entire world is crumbling around me. I want to know, through and through that I'm saved and nothing can truly harm my soul. I want to rest on peace when everything goes wrong, and it doesn't even phase me. Someday, perhaps, today. Or tomorrow.