Meaninglessness and the embodiment of Meaning

¹⁵ Then I said to myself,

“The fate of the fool will overtake me also.
    What then do I gain by being wise?”
I said to myself,
    “This too is meaningless.”

16 For the wise, like the fool, will not be long remembered;
the days have already come when both have been forgotten.
Like the fool, the wise too must die!

17 So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. ¹⁸ I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. ¹⁹ And who knows whether that person will be wise or foolish? Yet they will have control over all the fruit of my toil into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. ²⁰ So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. ²¹ For a person may labor with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then they must leave all they own to another who has not toiled for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune. ²² What do people get for all the toil and anxious striving with which they labor under the sun? ²³ All their days their work is grief and pain; even at night their minds do not rest. This too is meaningless.

What is worthy to do under the sun my friends?  Are my activities more worthy, now that Jesus Christ has come into the world? As Abraham was justified through faith, so was Solomon.  And those he shared that message with had a good, and this was a right and true thing to be done.  But then still he claims all his toils to be meaningless. This is a very important book, as it explores the ends of all intentions and goals on the Earth.  They are all equally meaningless.  

I was leaving a Bible studying early, because I was quite upset and I wasn't entirely sure why.  It may have had something to do with my car being broken down a few miles away.  It may have had something to do with my inability to pay any sort of theoretical, yet highly probable bill that would result from the incident.  But I don't think so.  But anyway, my friend came and picked me up.  And I turned to him, as we sped away into the night in his white BMW, "Kyle, I was thinking. That both before, during, and into the future after my disaster one sentence could be added after every single thing I've done, written or said: This too was meaningless."

I had felt greatly uncomfortable during the Bible study and chose to leave.  I had found the socializing meaningless, as I often do.  I had found all the conjecture on the Bible and God equally meaningless.  Not that these things in themselves were meaningless, but that the drivel about them was meaningless.  I came outside where a middle aged man was fixing a cover over his boat.  He came over and told me stories of drinking, and chaos, and injuring his back.  I laughed, and felt a certain comradery with him, as I had been there.  But once again, it felt quite meaningless.  

I had been considering the fact that it wasn't them at all, or the topic, but that it was me.  And that my overpowering sense of meaninglessness was indeed, a personal problem, and not the problem of any other.  I hadn't considered it to be the fault of anyone there or of God, or any other.  It was of my own making.

There is great toil in this human life, to often very slim result.  This is a fallen world.  Those Christians who think everything is fine, have been led astray by mass media, news, and consumerism.  Most certainly everything is not fine.  Or was that once again only within my mind?  Perhaps everything was and is just fine, since the birth, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  This sacrifice is more than sufficient.  

I remember in my many intellectual discussions with random individuals and college students, I was sometimes told that they considered the death of Jesus Christ on a cross seemingly highly insufficient for the payment of all the sins of mankind.  If I had known then what I know now, I would have disagreed. I would have asked them if they had ever died on a cross.  I would also ask them if they understood the kind of cruelty and pain involved in such a barbaric process.  It was and probably still is the most inconceivably painful method of execution imaginable.  

Add to this crucifixion several important details.  The first detail to add is that Jesus Christ was executed having done absolutely nothing wrong, over the span of his entire life.  He was completely without flaw or error in his entire life.  This is unheard of, as much as we as humans like to pretend we're such decent people.  We most certainly fall far short of perfection, and I might even add, fall short of decency all together.   

1 Peter 2:24 (NIV) lays out the most important detail of the crucifixion when considering the redemption of man kind and it says this: "He himself bore our sins" in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; "by his wounds you have been healed."

On the cross Jesus Christ gathered of all the sins of man kind, from the beginning of time, and into the future, to the very end of time, to the last sin every single person would commit on the face of the Earth.  He took that into his body and felt it.  He felt the disconnection from God.  This is what Jesus feared when he became greatly troubled the night before his crucifixion.  I cannot even postulate as to what the full implications of taking into his being all the sins of man kind for all time.  I cannot even say what it might feel like, and what kind of actual sacrificial penalty was bestowed as far as pain.  

But it gives us a good clue as to our own sins and the sufficiency of the sacrifice made by Jesus.  Once for all time the scriptures say this was done. If we sin in the future, we must repent quickly, lest we do as it says in Hebrews, nail Jesus to the cross again, despite being a Christian. We are growing toward holiness and maturity. This is a beautiful process.

Hebrews 10:14 (NIV) For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.

There is a process of growth and change going on within the heart of every Christian.  From all things the heart flows.  God doesn't need to change anything else.  Our heart determines the rest.  What does the Bible mean by heart?  It means our intentions and motives.  It looks to the very basis of why we do what we do!  If I help my neighbor by mowing his lawn, the act in and of itself is not a motive or intention.  Why did I do it?  God looks to my intentions and motives for this act.  Suppose I did it because I believe it's what a good Christian ought to do?  Is that at the core the motive or intention?  Probably not.  What underneath being a good Christian is my actual motive?  Do I desperately desire heaven?  Or do I desperately desire to make my Father, God, happy?  Are those good and true motives?  And if I did do it for my Father, did I also do it with joy in my heart?  Or was I resentful at my Father, considering him a cruel taskmaster in my life?   

I pray and ask God to exam my heart and change it fundamentally.  That is the core of the process of change going in seeking a lifestyle of peace.  And this is why I say, being a Christian and having peace requires a lifestyle change.  And a continued lifestyle of growth.  Attaining a loving heart doesn't happen by itself.  

And now, once again I wonder at the power of God.  I began this piece with the topic of meaninglessness.  And as I wrote I earnestly wanted to know what was not meaningless.  God has answered that question.  Was the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross meaningless?  It was not.  And it may be the only earthly event that was not meaningless, but so infused with meaning, it made up for all the rest of the sin, destruction, war, disaster, famine, and meaninglessness all put together.  And God points to the process we are in as Christians, and points this out to me clearly.  

He asks me, "Is this too meaningless?"

And I reply, "I now see, it is of great meaning and substance."

The death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is the literal infusion of meaning in my life, and in all of our lives.  And God's changing of my heart through Christ's work, is the application of that meaning in my daily life.  

Problems, Prayer, and Healing

As I was driving home from a recovery group, I suddenly pulled over my car and wrote this in a notebook on my front seat: The world around me has given me every reason imaginable to be utterly and completely skeptical. I have been given every reason under the sun to trust nothing and no one. My family collapsed around me, I have been scammed, abused, tricked, lied to, conned by people and politicians alike, I've been raped, beaten, and abused emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I felt very, very justified to believe in nothing and trust in nothing. But when I was brought so low I had nothing else period, I called out to an old recollection, a childhood myth named Jesus Christ. And the consciousness of that reality came to me as I saw my entire life transformed.

That was today.  But a few days ago I was thinking that I am the perfect person to be writing this blog.  Why?  Because I have more problems, issues, addictions, and troubles that I can count.  I started this blog at the beginning of my conversion, shortly after my baptism.  Why is that a perfect situation?  Because I share on here, every problem I face along the way, and every solution that God puts in front of me.  And I can share that.  I have very little to offer you on my own, but if I can ask God to speak through me on these, then hopefully some truth can get through.  

It was like he was preparing me.  Because ever since I was a kid I was utterly obsessed with writing.  I literally wrote all the time, about everything.  I explored and wrote in every style from prose to novels.  I worked as a journalist for six years, studied creative writing in college, and self published six books.  Rather vigorous preparation, but I enjoyed every minute of the writing.  I enjoy it today too.  So thank you Father.  And thank you for being here :)

 I don't know where that thought came from exactly, when I was driving home today.  I had just come from a very powerful group get together, with some close friends and comrades in the battle for the hearts and minds of God's people.  I was driving back home listening to sermons.  And naturally as always my head was spinning thoughts and ideas, reflecting on the path behind me, incorporating knowledge of God found through scripture and interpretations of scripture.  I was pondering why it took me so long to come to the realization of God, or more to the point, to call out for help to a higher power.  I was also pondering the relation of the failure of the United States churches to stay relevant to the cultural shifts going on in the country.  North America is the only continent where Christianity is not growing, but in fact declining.  I was pondering all of this, and boom, the idea of skepticism and my own inability to trust came into my head.  At that moment I pulled over to the side of the road, where an old man was mowing his lawn and started writing.  

I digress, as I was saying... I have more issues than most I'm sure.  And as I pray for answers, God puts them in my path.  I asked God to help me intellectualize my faith, boom, I was watching live stream for Liberty University (the college I attend) and a speech made at spring graduation last year popped up.  I watched it, and started watching as many talks as I could.  God answers prayers, and sometimes sooner than I would think.

I recall the process I would go through before I had the prayer option in front of me.  I would get a problem, and I wouldn't know the solution.  I was depressed, but I didn't know why.  And I would just think and think and think myself into utter confusion.  Was it my childhood?  Was it recent events?  Was it because I was single?  Was it because I missed my family?  If so how do I work on it?  Where is the healing?  And on and on and on.  Getting nowhere, eventually feeling this deep, ugly dread in my gut...  And I would give up.  I just can't figure it out.  And I'd go on, feeling a new sense of doom, as well as the depression.

Now, when I have a shuttering problem I immediately take a course of action that surprises me with it's effectiveness every time.  I pray.  In fact my old thought process sometimes wins out over me and it spins in my head.  And then suddenly I realize, oh yes Justin, you need to pray.  And as I talk to God about it, usually sitting on the steps in my front yard, watching the trees and the sky, I start to feel that relief.  I have a power in my life that I can take the confusion to.  And he sorts it out for me.  He puts the answer in my path.  I don't have to feel misery when I don't know.  

My favorite time to pray is at night.  I'll go outside and let my dog wander around the front yard.  And I'll stand on my front porch with my hands folded and look up at the stars.  They are so bright out here in the country.  It's true what scripture says, the heavens declare the glory of the Lord.  I'm filled with a sense of awe as I stare upward, coming to realize just how big my Father is.  Try it sometime!  

Unfortunately winter is coming up soon here, so I'll have to throw on a jacket and hat before I go out.  Won't be able to stand there in my pajamas anymore!  Haha. But really, there is no image here.  People can't stand that fake preacher mask, and they can smell it a mile away.  Why try to fake something?  Why fail to dig deep into my past?  Why fail to disclose?  Because I'm going to scare off some traditionalist Christians?  I can live with that.  I'm writing this to present Jesus Christ to everyday people and to declare his work in my life, not to project an image of myself as something I'm not. Start loving the lost, and you'll see some powerful growth.  

If you know intimately my failings, and how deep they go, and that Christ's love was enough for a messed up person like me; then you know Christ's love is more than enough for you!  

I'm working on a variety of issues within myself at this moment.  After entering recovery and getting clean and working out some issues from my past, well, it's not even close to done.  I have issues with codependency, intimacy, depression, anxiety, sleep, and so on and so forth.  So I prayed on some of those things.  God put some books on my lap, and I'm halfway through the first one so far.  It's called "Pain and Pretending" by Rich Buhler.  It's really all about coming to terms with your past.  It goes to the roots of issues in the present, by reaching back into childhood.  It combines therapy techniques with Christian methods of healing to bring in the best techniques for healing.  As I was reading the first twenty-five pages I started to tear up.  And I could feel healing taking place.  That's powerful to me. 

Later on in the book I read something that made me tear up again.  It said something to the effect of.. Many people who endured childhood abuse block out entire periods of their childhood.  Many assume it's normal to not remember huge chunks of your childhood.  But it indicates severe trauma and abuse.  And as I thought to myself, and thought back, I realized I hardly remembered my elementary school years, or anything before that, or much of my junior high or senior high experiences.  That's when I teared up.

And people can draw a lot of judgments from me disclosing that.  But it doesn't matter to me what those people think.  What matters to me, is that a few people will read this and think to themselves.. you know, I have some of the same issues.  Maybe there are solutions out there.  And they'll start researching, praying, reading books, and healing.  One person having some healing from my words, is more important to me than a thousand who laugh and smirk, and judge.  

I thought I'd close with a page from one of my daily meditation books called "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.  I highly recommend it, if you're looking for a quality morning meditation book.  It translates scripture as if Jesus were talking directly to you!  Check it out:

September 27th

RELAX IN MY EVERLASTING ARMS.  Your weakness is an opportunity to grow strong in awareness of My Almighty Presence.  When your energy fails you, do not look inward and lament the lack you find there.  Look to Me and My sufficiency; rejoice in My radiant riches that are abundantly available to help you.

Go gently through this day, leaning on Me and enjoying My presence.  Thank Me for your neediness, which is building trust-bonds between us.  If you look back on your journey thus far, you can see that days of extreme weakness have been some of your most precious times.  Memories of these days are richly interwoven with golden strands of My intimate presence. 

Deuteronomy 33:27; Psalm 27:13-14
-excerpt from "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.

The Human Hunger for Two Fundamentals: Love and Truth

May the uncharacteristic love of Jesus Christ be fluent and powerfully working in your life.   It's certainly been working in mine, when I get my ego out of the way.  That's how people will know us friends, by our love for one another.  When we stand on a pedestal and judge, or coldly turns those in need away, we do not represent Christ in the world...  We represent self righteousness in the world, and we have enough of that in the secular world.

I'd like to tell you that I love you :)  And for no particular reason.  Just because you're human and you're reading this, and you're you.  You're my sister, my brother, and my friend on this journey called life.  

I want to encourage you to pray for the Father to change your heart.  That is often part of my ardent prayers.  "Please Father, change my heart."  I have a heart conditioned to love the things of the world.  Jesus Christ freed me from alcohol and drug dependency, but there is still a world of desire in my head.  I want this, I want that, and I want it now. 

 
Your allegiance to God will be tested today and everyday my friends, by an onslaught of desires and beautiful distractions. Hold strong and pray hard!

Phili. 4:6-8 ESV do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

How do we as Christians combat temptation? 

Prayer is good.  Bible study is good.  Attending a God honoring church is good.  Those are all maintenance steps.  We can consciously cut back on indulging our desires.  When we do that, we can see them start to diminish and eventually disappear.  There is also a clue in the above passage.  What is true?  What is honorable?  What is just?  What is pure?  What is lovely?  What is commendable?  What is excellent?  What is worthy of praise?  Think about these things.  Think about them.  As we focus on the positive, as we focus on honorable and good things, our thinking process changes as a result over time.  This requires us to challenge negative thoughts, but eventually we are focusing on positive and righteous things.  And you know what?  Then we start becoming those things.  We stop constantly thinking about our wants, our desires, women, men, alcohol, drugs, cars, tv shows, sex, and all of that.  Because we have actively attempted to alter our thinking in a healthy way.  Naturally, it's easier said than done, but it can be effectively produced over time.  Remember it's not a race.  Just patiently adjust day by day.  In months, years, you'll see incredible results. 

We know this Christian journey isn't particularly easy.  In fact we come against trials and troubles that most wouldn't normally come against.  If we're actually sharing our faith actively with those around us, be become a target for spiritual warfare, as well as ridicule.  But we can do this.  I'm telling you the truth, we can.  But we've got the share our faith.  We've got share love and compassion utterly and completely.  And we will, yes will be cut down, hurt, bruised, verbally attacked, and even physically attacked.  Show love and compassion anyway.  Complete and utterly uncharacteristic love, compassion, and support.  Long term!  We're in for the long haul.  But if we could just get vocal and public about this love, and learn to apply it everywhere all the time (a tall order) we can change the world. 

I've experienced the kind of anguish and sadness and isolation many of us know quite well.  I've been shunned by many who used to be my friends.  I wasn't trying to push my faith on them, but I would offer encouragement.  Some people don't want to hear it.  We're also faced with the task of attempting to share joy and wisdom with others.  Again and again, endlessly, I have seen so many people walk away from the possibility of a better life.

Many of the people I know and talk to are active drug abusers and alcoholics.  To the very breaking of my heart, virtually none of them have any interest in getting better through recovery.  They choose their addictions and can hear nothing I say about recovery or 12 step work.  There is no interest in anything better, despite constant griping of their ugly situations.

But how can I fault them?  For years and years I was impervious to any encouragement or information on recovery.  I just didn't care.  There was nothing more or less to it.  I was simply not willing to do the work required to get clean and stay clean.

It was the same with Christianity.  For the longest time I was simply not interested in God or faith.  Occasionally I'd read a bit or look into it, but it always sort of faded into the background.

How can I expect all those around me to suddenly jump on the band wagon because I did?  Perhaps I cannot tolerate their apathy because the thought of my own past apathy is so repulsive to me. 

That is our calling, to vocally and publicly share our faith in any and all ways we can.  We will feel the pain and shout to God "who has heard our message?"  And God will calmly reply, "All who I want to receive it, have and will receive it."  God is a calming force in our lives.  Remember that.  I was not raised on that kind of God.  I was raised on a fear invoking God.  But that isn't the true God.  I read something recently, and it was so simple, but so powerful in it's implications.  It said, "Relax in his presence."  Just relax and be in the moment with God!  I try to think of that line when I start getting upset about the sins that linger in my life.  Relax, keep learning, keep growing, these sins are temporary. God will help me at the appropriate times.  Don't worry, have faith.

 "Some want to live within the sound of church or chapel bell; I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of hell"  -Charles Thomas Studd  

It's isolating, and let me tell you, that has been bothering me lately.  I've learned to not mention that I'm in college at all anymore.  Because when I mention I'm in college, the question that immediately follows is invariably, "What's your major?"  And then I say, "Religion."  And then the conversation dies.  It dies so quickly...  For several months I tried to figure out what to say instead of "Religion" without outright lying, but I couldn't figure anything out.  If anyone has any ideas about this one, please leave a comment with a suggestion.  God forbid anyone find out I'm studying to be a Pastor.  I've seen the look when I say that one!  Like a deer in the headlights, like I'd suddenly become a mind reader capable of seeing right through them to their worst deeds.  Have past church leaders been so traumatizing to these people in the message?  I'm guessing the answer to that is "yes."  Sad, but true. 

Oh well, what can I do, what can we do, but continue ardently serving the Father?  Unending service, day by day, and try to survive that.  The louder we become about it, the bigger the target on our backs gets.  Spiritual warfare is very real.  I've seen church planters literally so sick they can hardly converse, not sleeping for weeks, discouraged and troubled. 

2 Cor. 9:8 ESV And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency^£ in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. 

Don't fool yourself.  This stuff is real.  Jesus was a real flesh and blood human being born and lived, two thousand years ago.  This is considered historical fact.  The scientific method is incapable of proving or disproving Christianity.  So don't let anyone fool you on that one.  The scientific method itself is incapable all together, because it relies on the ability to reproduce and examine.  History cannot be reproduced.  It's interesting to note that Napoleon or Washington cannot be "proven" by the scientific method, but history's method proves their existence to the best extent we know how.  You may find this interesting, that a noted applied mathematics professor once stated and I'm paraphrasing, that the possibility of the enzyme in human DNA forming by chance is 10 to the 40,000th power.  Do you know what that comes out to?  It's more than all the atoms in all the galaxies of the known universe.  This mathematician concluded that it is mathematically impossible for the human enzyme to have come about by chance.  If you have further questions, consider reading Darwin on Trial by Philip E. Johnson, or The Language of God: A Scientist Presents Evidence for Belief by Francis Collins (head of the human gnome project.)

A noted atheist and post modernist died, and her extensive journals were auctioned off. Among her writings, in the margin three separate times was this phrase: "Would somebody, somewhere, please love me."  Love is our default as humans.  We want and need to be loved.  However, no human love seems to complete us (those of us who are married can attest to that) no matter how great, something is always missing.  If not God, then what?

You will discover in your journeys that atheists are not intellectually rejecting Christianity, so much as morally rejecting Christianity.  There is a lifestyle there that they are simply not willing to change.  No matter what argument, no matter how convincing, most ardent atheists would not convert.  Well why doesn't God just show himself in a dream or vision?  Well let's really think about that one.  Can we really say they would believe?  So Jesus shows up in a vision and says here I am, I'm God.  Well, then time starts going by.  And the individual starts to wonder, was it real?  Maybe I was over tired.  Maybe I had food poisoning.  Maybe it was just a delusion.  In a few months, the person in question is probably back at square one, complete disbelief.  See what I mean?

I'm not trying to demonize atheists here.  I love seekers, more importantly, Jesus loves seekers.  But if we're truly seeking, we must seek unbiasedly.  Otherwise we're just looking for what we want to see.  I have little respect for jaded and angry "seekers" full of arrogance and denying all contraries to their well established systems of blindness.  

Jesus said it best in John 8:42 (NIV)

42 Jesus said to them, "If God were your Father, you would love me, for I came from God and now am here. I have not come on my own; but he sent me. 43 Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. 44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. 45 Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! 46 Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don't you believe me? 47 He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God." 

Why is it that they cannot believe? Their ears cannot bear to hear the truth. So much said, in so few words. That's why I love the Bible.  You can tell Jesus was upset.  He desperately wanted them to know the truth and accept it.  I remember the scene from the movie The Gospel of John, and the dialogue in the movie is straight from the Bible word for word, and Jesus is preaching in the crowd and they just aren't receiving his message.  He pauses for a second saying to himself, "Why can you not hear my message?"  As if talking to himself, and then he looked around, and burst out "You are the children of your Father the devil!"  One of my favorite scenes from that movie.  Obviously it's just an attempted depiction, but it seemed to sit right with my heart.  It was as if Jesus was scanning their hearts, upset, searching for the reason for their rejection of his simple message.

As I have said, I love seekers.  I love political activists.  I love people fighting for truth.  I love seekers.  I believe that at the heart of every true libertarian, anon, occupier, intellectual, and seeker is one thing: A desperate desire, and more so, need, for one thing: the truth.   

It's that search that compels us forward.  Whether exposing media blackouts, gathering to protest, hacking into government data to expose corruption, studying books in a college library, or quietly searching out for a primary purpose in life... The search is absolutely insatiable.  I love these types.  They love truth, pure, powerful truth.  They can smell disingenuous motives from a mile way, and they check their sources.   Some have become jaded, but others have starry eyes, as they find nugget after nugget, progressing forward to the one truth that binds all man kind.  I do love them so.  They are so rare, so beautiful to watch, so incredibly vital and necessary.  And for the greatest part of them, they are completely sincere in their desire for that one thing, complete truth!  God bless these men and women.  God bless them and keep them, until they reach the point where you show yourself to them in a powerful way.  On that day I hope and pray, that their hearts will receive Jesus Christ as an inescapable reality that is both tangible and utterly undeniable to their minds and hearts.  

Prov. 1:5 ESV Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance

To me, such people are so rare, so beautiful, so creative, so incredible, so wise, so stunning, so bright to the eyes of a gray world that I must and absolutely must, must, must, bring them to eternal life in anyway I can.  I wish to God I had the perfect words to explain it to every one of them.  The loss of such souls would be an unspeakable crime against all being and existence.  I point to the path, that they might choose to walk it and see for themselves just what truth, justice, morality, peace, and liberty really mean.   

James 1:5-6 ESV ⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. ⁶But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.

 

I pray that when I die, all of hell will rejoice that I am no longer in the fight. -Charles Thomas Studd

In closing, I'd like to suggest to those who still have questions or are uncertain about this God thing: Ask God.  He will show himself to you, just remember to be patient and open to the process of awakening.  It will happen.  All of those who call out to God in times of trouble are delivered.  For those who have trouble intellectualizing their faith, and let me tell you I was one of them, try listening to one of my favorite speakers, Ravi Zacharias.  If you search youtube for his videos you'll find lots of his talks.  He's gone all over the world, spoken all over the world, and has gone to campuses like Princeton to field questions from atheists and agnostics on Christianity.  His arguments literally changed my world.  He has several wonderful books as well.  I'm still in the process of reading them.  If it's more about experience and the heart for you, ask God to show himself, and start watching for experiential evidence of his existence. 

And to all the Christian brothers and sisters reading this, I'd like to thank you for what you do everyday for Jesus and his kingdom.  You do not work for nothing friends, in fact you work for everything.  You are my spiritual family, the family I was adopted into just a year ago.  I encourage you to start actively sharing your faith in any and all ways you can.  You'll know what to do, God will guide you.  Let me leave you with this statement made by Ravi Zacharias regarding apologetics and intellectual defense of the Bible.  He was holding a Bible as he spoke, and when he says "this" hes referring to the Bible in his hand.

"If the world wants to believe a noble lie, and we believe that this (the Bible) is the truth, and this is the word that defines reality, there is only one question for you and me to answer in this apologetic conflict: Why do we believe this to be true? When was the last time you walked into a church and heard a sermon on why the Bible is true? This is our problem. Our young people want to believe this. But they're not getting answers on why this is true. We tell people they are framing their lives by a lie, we have followed the truth, and the biggest question in our churches is why is this the truth? Why have you traded your life for what genesis 1-12 says here, and the rest of it? If this is true then we better tell our young people why it is true because they can't go into their colleges and universities and just say "the Bible says" We tell them they are living by a lie and we tell them we are living by the truth and they wanna know who says so! The biggest failure we are doing as Christian leaders to our young people is that we have not taught them how to defend this. That is the failure of the apologetic movement over the last 20-30 years." - Ravi Zacharias

Academic Paper: Basics of the Faith, Book of Romans

Romans is a systematic presentation of what it means to be a Christian. Romans was written by Paul during his stay at Corinth, to the early church forming in Rome. Romans chapters 1 through 8 has a lot to say about the natural world, human identity, relationships, culture, and civilization. A basis is described for a firm foundation in Christianity, which goes to why the book is popular and widely interpreted. Romans 1-8 deeply affects my worldview and how I act and think.

Romans teaches a great deal about the natural world. Romans 1:20 (NLT) states "20 For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God." This indicates that the natural world is a physical display of who God is. In addition, the natural world is direct evidence for the existence of God. The sky is beautiful, the earth is amazing, and these are two qualities God has in abundance. When I first started to seek God, it was the beauty of his creation that first opened my mind to it. Instead of seeing the world as a random gathering of evolution, I see Earth as a temporary construct, and a fallen planet riddled with sin. I also see the beauty and majesty of the mind of my creator. Sometimes it's hard to see the world so starkly, but in the end the peace God gives is greater than my own fear.

Romans teaches that every individual's identity is with God, through Christ. Romans teaches that we are all sinners and deserve death (Romans 3:10). There is no way humanity can earn eternal life. Eternal life is a free gift from Jesus Christ, through our faith in him (Romans 3:22). Humanity could not fulfill the requirement of the law and all fall short of God's standard (Romans 3:23). All humans are sinners in identity, but find true identity through Jesus Christ (Romans 5:21). Before I had my identity in Christ, I considered what the world said about me. The world constantly told me I wasn't attractive enough. It told me I needed more money, more stuff, and more power. Now I understand that I have great value through the eyes of my God. I am chosen, loved, and protected by the living God.

According to Romans 4:13 (NLT) "13 Clearly, God’s promise to give the whole earth to Abraham and his descendants was based not on his obedience to God’s law, but on a right relationship with God that comes by faith." Romans teaches that our righteousness with God is predicated on our relationship with him and our trust in him. A close relationship with God is only possible through Jesus Christ (Romans 5:2). Humans are relationally slaves to that which they serve, which makes those saved, slaves to righteousness (Romans 6:18). When Adam sinned, all humanity received the curse of death. My worldview on people is that they all fall short of God's perfection. At first this gave me a very negative view of people around me. But knowing that I'm not any better, I come to love those around me, and want them to have a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Romans says quite a bit about human culture. As far as Jews are concerned, the law of Moses had become a huge part of their culture. Unfortunately Jews had gotten too far into the letter of the law, without obeying the spirit of the law (Romans 7:6). They were arrogant about their position in relation to God, and had begun to see themselves as better than gentiles. This caused them to set a poor example for gentiles, and then gentiles would speak poorly of God as well. The law of Moses could not save the Jews, because of sin's power (Romans 8:3). Due to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross, there is now no condemnation for those who belong to him (Romans 8:1). Jew and Gentile alike can now receive the free gift of eternal life. This affects my world view in that I don't need to feel utterly defeated when I'm not living up to the ten commandments. The law of Moses simple displays that I am a sinner. It also reminds me that all have the offer of salvation through Christ. Every person in every country on the planet has this possibility in front of them. I am unable to discriminate, even if I don't like someone.

Romans 8:19-21 (NLT) says " For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are.  Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope,  the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay." This is a powerful statement on the path of civilization itself. All of creation awaits the return of Jesus Christ. The entire path of civilization is relational to God. It all draws from the sin of Adam, that lead to the curse of sin being placed on all mankind (Romans 5:12). This curse of sin is why there is so much suffering and disaster in the world. Civilization crumbles due to it's own sin. Jesus Christ performed an act of righteousness by his sinless life and allowed for humanity to have a right relationship with their creator (Romans 5:18). Those who belong to Jesus Christ have received a spirit which they obey, which leads to good deeds and actions (Romans 8:6). Thanks to Jesus Christ, there is now nothing that separate God's children from the love of God (Romans 8:39). This affects my worldview in about a million ways, but I'll just go into a few examples. I understand that I'm a sinner, and that I must avoid listening to that part of myself. I need to listen to the holy spirit within me, and let it convict me to do right. There is a lot of peace in waiting for the return of Jesus Christ.

I learned a lot from the teachings in Romans, chapters 1 through 8. My worldview has changed drastically from when I was an unbeliever to right now. I can have hope, and greater than hope, assurance that I am saved and will live on. Love and compassion for others is my creed, and the course of civilization and culture speak to the truth that I am a child of the living God.