A Poem to my Father

I was thinking Father,
That this dream is like a nightmare
A wilderness of endless green trees
Reminders of what was meant to be
Tall sky scrapers, street lights and urban fortifications
Monuments to humanity, and it's vain attempts to survive with you
A planet gone wrong, hurdling toward destruction
One thing holding it up, that's you Father
Dead souls, with empty eyes then glowing bright
As the Titanic sinks around them
Diving off in trust that the cold waters won't touch them
Rising up into the night sky
Saved from destruction

I was thinking Father,
That you're always with me
Especially when I can't feel it completely
A creation you made, but then why aren't you more present to me?
I can imagine you with me
Through a glass, dimly
But it's not making sense to me
Reality of the moment is so imposing
You're out there aren't you?
There you are, I can see you
Through the words of your explanation
In the tree branches
In the net of stars hung over the fallen landscape
There to remind humanity
There's more to this puzzle
More to this corrupt planet of misery

I was thinking Father,
That you always have what I need
You've always got what I crave
You reach out
But make me do the walking
You humble my heart brutally
But give me peace later on
You speak to me in wisps of forgotten song lyrics
You speak to me through the computer
And car radio, you proclaim just enough for me to notice
But not enough to see

You demand intense loyalty
And demand that I trust what you do
That I trust completely in you
You forge faith in my corrupt heart and soul
To push me into your gift of eternal life
Hanging there before me, stubborn
Too foolish to simply receive it
You right my mind, drop it on me like a ton of bricks
And rise my spirit from the sinful dead ashes. 

Being God's Children

My dear brothers and sisters in Christ, I hope this wonderful spring day finds you in peace with God's plan for your life.  We know that all things work out for good in the lives of those who serve God and do his good works.  This is a great blessing, and a sacred blessing.  We are the children of the heavenly Father.  But our bodies are still flesh and prone to desires of the flesh.  

Let's take a look at a few verses from Chapter 8 of Romans:

Romans 8:12 Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. 13 For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live. 14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.

15 So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” 16 For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. 17 And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.

I really like how it starts here.  You have NO OBLIGATION to do what your sinful nature urges.  That's really interesting, because don't we often feel obliged to the sins we commit?  Like there's some excuse that makes it ok, or that there's some pressing reason to go about that sin.  Well we learn from Romans Chapter 8 that we have no obligation to entertain those thoughts.  We have no requirement on us, but to serve our heavenly Father.    It says that if we live by our sin's dictates we will die.  It's important to remember that, but it's equally easy to forget.  

The rest of these two paragraphs talks about calling God "Father" and that if we are the children of the Father that we must also share in the suffering that Christ went through.  

These are very important things to remember!

It's very easy to go about the day and get entirely caught up in the routine, driving, talking, cleaning, working, and so on...  That's natural.  If that's happening to you, it's not something strange.  It's something we all go through in this busy world.  

We know we aught to be accessing the holy spirit which was given to us by Christ.  The holy spirit informs us all throughout the day on how exactly we must act.  It comforts us and guides us.  But how many times in a day do we fall out of it, and forget?  Often, right!?  

That's not something we should be surprised at, or something we should beat ourselves up about.  Don't let that inner voice become an accuser!  It's ok to let that voice convict you into action against sin and staying in the spirit.  But try to switch it off if it starts to overwhelm you, and starts accusing or going over past wrongs.  This can often be negative spirits, or the sinful nature itself negatively influencing us.  

God does NOT want us constantly putting ourselves on the whipping post for sins of the past.  We know when we honestly confess our sins to the Father in prayer, and repent, that they are forgiven.  A good technique for clearing out those self voices I found in a book by Neil Anderson called "The Bondage Breaker."  Very quickly one should answer the negative self talk with a simple statement:  "That is not of God."  

Often we can end up beating ourselves up over stupid things of the past and present, and in our mind we justify that it's a good thing because we need to receive that punishment.  We do NOT need to receive that.  Jesus didn't save us and make us perfect before the eyes of God so we could hold onto the past and punish ourselves for past wrongs!

So when that voice of negativity and accusation shows up, answer it in your mind with "That is not of God the Father."  Reinforce that statement in your mind with scripture, that you are testing your thoughts against what scripture says.  So that voice is commanded to be silent, by the power of scriptural truth!

And recall, as we were talking about earlier that we can often fall out of the full influence of the spirit.  As we go about our days, constantly be praying for this or praying for that inside your own mind.  God is not limited to only receiving prayers that are spoken aloud, or prayers that are done on your knees. (Though it is wise to go before the Father humbly on the knees when you can)  Your Father is always listening to you, and caring for you throughout the day.  If he is always with us, why not constantly try to maintain that dialogue with him?

This helps to keep me Christ centered during the day.  There are a million-and-one distractions, but I can always center myself and ask the Father to re-center me with his Holy Spirit.  Isn't that great?  We have someone all around us, who is walking with us and caring for us during the day.

We aught to always know that we are ok.  And more than ok, we are truly blessed and saved.  Eternal life is OURS!  That's powerful, and a reason to smile throughout the many days of our lives.  This life is passing my brothers and sisters.  This is not how the planet God created was to be.  This is a tangent planet, a planet doomed to destruction.  But we have our way off, and we are already seated there with Jesus the Christ.  We await patiently the coming of the right Earth.  The Father will remake it, as he intended it to be.  And we will live in a holy city where we will live in constant intimate contact with the Father! 

Wow, I mean, wow... How blessed are we today?  Remember that blessing.  Constantly tell yourself: I'm a child of God.  Brag on the Father's greatness, and brag on the greatness and love of Christ Jesus our savior!  Live in that positive mindset, because my friends we are truly blessed children of the creator of the universe.  That's really something very special.  Why don't we go to the Father in prayer:  

Father,
We thank you that you called us to be your chosen children,
And Father, 
We always will try to live as the Christ did, though we fall short,
We know that you love us dearly, and care for us with incredible power,
 We offer you our service on this Earth, to bring others to your love,
We know that we can do nothing without your power,
Let us constantly receive your love and power throughout our busy lives,
And receive that blessing, so that we may do all your good works,
Until the day you take us to the right and true city, 
To live with you in all peace and joy,
Thank you Father, In Christ's name,
 Amen

God the Father, Spirit (Sermon of the last week in March)

My dear friends in Christ Jesus, I am so happy to be amongst your thoughts and hearts today.  It always feels like there is so much to do, and so little time to do it.  But we know from scripture that all things happening according the counsel of God's will.  All things happen through Christ and according to the truth.  We may have peace, because as Christians we have the special favor of God.  (2 Timothy 2:1)

He grants us special requests.  He keeps us from stepping out in front of traffic!  That special favor is not necessarily working in the lives of unbelievers.  But we know from scripture that we are not chosen because of our works, but all this was determined in the heart of our creator long ago.

I want to encourage of you my dear friends, to put trust not in your own discernment, but pray for and receive the God given discernment through the presence of the holy spirit in your life.

We know we can rely on prayer and conscious contact with God to guide our spirits.  Always find yourself within prayer!  Pray about everything my friends, and constantly speak to God within your mind.  But as you speak to God during the day as you go about your business, let me also encourage you to go on your knees before God in the morning and in the evening to give thanks and love to your creator.

He loves you so much, he truly does.  He is a wise and old spirit.  God is spirit.  He is a loving father.  He is your father.  So let me encourage you to call God "Father."  For we know from scripture that when we are born again in Christ, that we are no longer children of earthly parents, but God himself is our father.  Give him thanks!

It's so easy during the day to offer thanks to God.  Thank you Father for this food, Thank you father for that green light.  Thank you father for my job, my full tank of gas, my loving wife, my loving husband, or if you're still waiting for that person, Thank you Father for the woman I know you have out there, picked especially for me.

If we can find a way to trust and put faith in our dear heavenly Father, then we can know true peace of mind.  Because then, no matter what happens in our lives, we know, through and through, that God is in control and that nothing can happen without his permission.

The Father loves you dearly.  He loves you so much, he gave his son to grant you passage into eternal life.

Know that there is no perfect faith in this life.  If you have an off day, don't beat yourself up about it.  God knows our hearts are flawed as humans, constantly tempted by sin.  He UNDERSTANDS this, because he came down to us in human form, as Christ Jesus.  We know Christ Jesus was tempted in every way possible, and that he endured the pains of a human life without sin.  This paid the debt that humanity incurred through it's endless disobedience of God.  Our faiths will not be perfect, but let me encourage you to rise again when you fall.  And if you can't seem to rise up out of the gloom in your head, or the mindset of sin going on, ask your loving Father for a hand up.  We know he answers our prayers.  Because he loves us truly.

Interview with Author Nikki Palomino

Give us a quick introduction on yourself and your book.
2003 named Writer’s Digest Best Genre Short Story Writer, written many short stories for print rags, erotica for Foggy Windows Publishing, covered music for rags from Los Angeles Country Examiner, Blast, Buddy Magazine, to NYC’s indie magazines, studied under feature writers at both the Houston Chronicle and Houston Post. Co-writer and co-producer of Palomino Productions in Los Angeles with Film Noir, Baby, and award-winning dark comedy, The Rug, as well as TV pilot Our Way of Life for ABC.

DAZED (The Story of a Grunge Rocker) Silver Publishing is the first in the DAZED series in negotiation for movie option. Protagonist Eric Peterson returns home from the Portland streets to find most things unchanged, but a fellow art student sees the pain beneath the artistic brilliance as the men struggle to survive in a world that hates junkies and fags.
What inspired you to write your first book?

Having been part of what I call the underbelly of heaven (bullied, runaway, grunge rock musician hanging with punk rock icons like Patti Smith, etc.) I naturally gravitated toward the music and art scene. So very early on, I became involved with a junkie musician. Everything was beautiful, the discovering of each other’s bodies, the rush of dope, the falling in love among the rebellion where we existed for one purpose, to overwhelm our brainstems with the flood of endorphins. When he died of an overdose, I didn’t have to look far. By then I was playing infamous clubs like CBGB’s as a grunge rock musician. When I hit the strip in L.A., covering music for various rags, I met the grunge rock junkie musician, Kurt Cobain of the band Nirvana. He stood on the precipice of success. He seesawed in the playground others prayed for. I immediately recognized what drew me to him, his invincibility and total absence of discomfort when he spiked. Every junkie I knew thought I could fix them. I didn’t realize at the time, they had fixed me.

Do you have a specific writing style?

I’d say, raw, impulsive, graphic, sparing no one the pain. Reaching into a junkie’s guts, you wonder how deep you have to dig. What I find is the tainted strand of words.

How did you come up with the title?

I used to sit on the couch staring at Kurt nodding. If I started to get up, he’d grab my arm and pull me back down. When I looked into his pinpoint pupils, all I could think was DAZED.

Is there a message in your novel that you want readers to grasp?

Romance doesn’t have to be between two people. In DAZED, the romance is between Eric and heroin.

How much of the book is realistic?

All of it. A junkie’s heart stings like a mutha, and he just wants to rip it out. In the end, he knows there will never be enough drugs to make things right.

Are experiences based on someone you know, or events in your own life?

Kurt was my biggest influence because he could have self-medicated with a whole different drug, success. He was like a dog forgotten in the bliss of affection, completely oblivious to the stress of the last beating and, if he could have really looked at what he was given, he might have chosen a different path. But he didn’t. I knew him when he was so wasted he couldn’t get off the bathroom floor or stop puking or shaking or crying and the whole time he’d beg to do something to make him stop. No one can kick the habit for a junkie. I learned that lesson the hard way. The weight of his life seemed to put nothing right, except the ability to write what others judge to this day.

What books have most influenced your life most?

Too many to mention, but Daphne Du Maurier’s The Birds is the best description of human frailty spilling from each breath.

“The smaller birds were at the window now. He recognized the light tap-tapping of their beaks and the soft brush of their wings. The hawks ignored the windows. They concentrated their attack upon the door. Nat listened to the tearing sound of splintering wood, and wondered how many million years of memory were stored in those little brains, behind the stabbing beaks, the piercing eyes, now giving them this instinct to destroy mankind with all the deft precision of machines.”

If you had to choose, which writer would you consider a mentor?

Can’t do one. Truman Capote and Sylvia Plath for we spilled the same mistakes.

What book are you reading now?

Rosemary’s Baby. Ira Levin nailed the American horror story set in modern times.

Are there any new authors that have grasped your interest?

Rick R. Reed and Billie Sue Mosiman, and we are very lucky to have a group coming up the ranks that have paid their dues, grabbing the words from those ghosts haunting our bodies.

What are your current projects?

Second in the DAZED series, STILL DAZED (Through a Grunge Rocker’s Eyes) coming 2013 and a new series, The Underground Diaries, based on my runaway years set in NYC late 80’s.

Name one entity that you feel supported you outside of family members.

Survival Instincts, uninterrupted.

Do you see writing as a career?

Already is.

If you had to do it all over again, would you change anything in your latest book?

Hard to say since STILL DAZED is already written and the third being thought out.

Do you recall how your interest in writing originated?

I grew up in a small town in Texas. In the back stood a field, two ditches and a gravel road lined with blackberry bushes. I was ADHD so my energy surpassed the constraints of nothingness. The only place I could escape to was my imagination. My parents didn’t have lots of money so books were limited to the small selection at the library. My grandfather was a writer, and when we’d visit Overland, I’d sit in his office and watch him type. I just remember the sheer joy washing over his face as he placed his words in a logical progression. I knew then I wanted to be a writer. It was from my grandfather’s library I discovered Truman Capote, James Cain, Flannery O’Conner, Harper Lee, Eudora Welty, and poets like Dylan Thomas and Sylvia Plath. I never got to keep the books, so I kept their most prized words and let them circle my brain like the stars circle the moon, at least in my imagination.

Can you share a little of your current work with us?

STILL DAZED (Through a Grunge Rocker’s Eyes), 2^nd in the DAZED novel series, has an unanswered question on each page, “Why can’t protagonist Eric Peterson stop using smack?” Eric’s journey through burgeoning grunge rock fame begins within the constraints of small town prejudice. Surrounded by a cast of unlikely characters who automatically fall into their enabling roles, he fights his inner demons. A young man in pain, he’s desperate for his mother’s approval and struggles through an empire of dope to choose what no one wants him to and survives an American nightmare, a world that hates junkies and fags.

Is there anything you find particularly challenging in your writing?

Reliving what I’d put behind me.

Who is your favorite author and what is it that really strikes you about their work?

Somerset Maugham, a hand-scrawled scrap of paper with his guts smeared bloodied on the page.

Do you have to travel much concerning your book(s)?

On occasion. With social media, traveling unfortunately is kept to a minimum. There’s something about eye to eye that makes an author and his work resonate.

Who designed the cover?

Reese Dante

What was the hardest part of writing your book?

I find the experience a dream, even the crap parts like editing.

Did you learn anything from writing your book and what was it?

That I want to write even more; it’s the air I breathe.

Do you have any advice for other writers?

Write like your gutting yourself. Otherwise your words are not worth permanence.

Do you have anything specific that you want to say to your readers?

To live with Eric, isn’t pretty, so use his experience to understand a different aspect of life.

What were the challenges (research, literary, psychological, and logistical) in bringing it to life?

Remembering what I’d wanted to forget.