Dave Simmons shared in his book about being a dad, a time when he and his two kids went to a mall, and the mall had a petting zoo there. He had given each of his children, Brandon and Helen a quarter to enter, and then went to continue shopping. Soon he saw his daughter hadn’t gone in. He went to ask her why.
She said sadly, "Well, Daddy, it cost fifty cents. So, I gave Brandon my quarter." Then she said the most beautiful thing I ever heard. She repeated the family motto. The family motto is in "Love is Action!"
She had given Brandon her quarter, and no one loves cuddly furry creatures more than Helen.
What do you think I did? Well, not what you might think. As soon as I finished my errands, I took Helen to the petting zoo. We stood by the fence and watched Brandon go crazy petting and feeding the animals. Helen stood with her hands and chin resting on the fence and just watched Brandon. I had fifty cents burning a hole in my pocket; I never offered it to Helen, and she never asked for it.
Because she knew the whole family motto. It's not "Love is Action." It's "Love is SACRIFICIAL Action!" Love always pays a price. Love always costs something. When you love, benefits accrue to another's account. Love gives; it doesn't grab. Helen gave her quarter to Brandon and wanted to follow through with her lesson. She knew she had to taste the sacrifice. She wanted to experience the family motto. Love is sacrificial action.”
-Dave Simmons, Dad, The Family Coach, Victor Books, 1991, pp. 123-124.
Today we’re talking about love in the context of that classic scripture, 1st Corinthians 13. But it’s super important that we understand that love is like Dave Simmons indicates, a sacrificial action.
It’s not just a feeling. It’s not something we do just when we feel like it. It’s a mindset of service to others. And let’s be very clear, we pay a price when we love. We give something. It’s not about receiving.
The Apostle Paul is writing to a community that has a lot of knowledge. And he is reminding them that love has to be first as a Christian.
But what is love exactly? That’s what we’re going to be examining today.
But I think as Americans we assume love is “niceness.” And niceness is not love. In fact, niceness is often pretty self serving. The goal with niceness is to be liked, no matter what. To not offend someone. To gain points with others.
But that is not biblical love. Niceness wants to be liked. Niceness doesn’t want to have to call someone out on something bad they’re doing. Niceness is just letting someone float on down the river toward hell without saying a word. Niceness is more about wanting to be liked. It’s selfish. And niceness isn’t what we go for as Christians. We go for sacrificial agape love.
Jesus modeled perfect love for us, by dying for his enemies, dying for people who rejected him, in the hope they would one day receive the forgiveness he offered.
Love is something we feel. Jesus felt it in His heart. It’s not in our minds. It’s down in our hearts. But our hearts can get wounded in life, and even deadened, shut down, where we struggle to feel love for others. But, Jesus can bring out hearts back to life, if we’ll come to Him.
There’s a beautiful scripture that I think exemplifies this: From Matthew 11:28-30: “28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Now there is a requirement in there, 'come to Jesus.' He doesn’t say just stay where you’re at, he says come to me, and I will give you rest. He doesn’t say there’s no action involved. He says take my yoke upon yourself, and learn from me. There is a yoke, but the burden is light, compared to the weight of sin. Here we find rest for our souls, under the light yoke of Jesus. We learn to become like Jesus, gentle, humble, soft, and at rest. This is real love.
It heals our hearts, tears flow, we mourn the pains of the past, and Jesus renews us in His love, if we’ll come to Him, again and again.
Then love speaks, and it speaks like Jesus speaks..
Love says, “Father forgive them they don’t know what they’re doing.”
Love says, “I do not condemn you.”
Yet Love also says, “Go and sin no more.”
And Love also says, “Repent, for the kingdom of God is at hand.”
Biblical love is willing to say a hard truth to someone in love, knowing that we may lose the friendship, but loving their soul more than their companionship. That’s real love. This is the glory of agape giving love.
It says in 1st Cor 13:1-3, “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”
We can do a lot of great things with our spiritual gifts, but if we don’t honestly love people, it won’t matter. Our message will be ugly if it doesn’t come with love. Have you ever known a Christian who had a lot of giftings and knowledge but didn’t have love? The message is empty. It isn’t life giving.
In the depiction of love in 1st Corinthians 13, we’re going to see categories, first, character traits that are loving. And character traits that are not loving. So we get a list of things to do, and a list of things not to do. Pretty simple.
Let’s dive in. First, in verse 4, “Love is patient.”
Now I know this scripture is often used in association with romantic relationships, but the context is actually speaking about loving your neighbor. I think we can also apply it to loving God as well.
Love is patient. How is your patience? Are you patient with someone who you are trying to win to Christ? Are you patient with friends and family? Patience is waiting on God. Patience is listening to someone when they’re talking.
We want to add this characteristic to ourselves, in the heart. How? Pray and ask God for patience. Then learn to practice patience. Sometimes it’s helpful to speak the word, “I’m going to be patient in this situation.” Just remind yourself of that.
Prayer for Patience: Lord, please grant me the gift of patience, I want to learn patience, to rest in you when I'm waiting, have mercy on me Lord, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, second part of verse 4, “Love is kind.”
What is kindness? I like the 1828 Webster’s dictionary definition for kindness, it says, “Good will; benevolence; that temper or disposition which delights in contributing to the happiness of others, which is exercised cheerfully in gratifying their wishes, supplying their wants or alleviating their distresses.”
Delighting in contributing to the happiness of others. As my grandma Monica always said, “It’s nice to be nice.” Niceness isn’t always bad either, as long as it’s seen as part of a bigger whole of what it means to be loving.
Does it make you glad to contribute to help someone else? I know it does for me. That’s part of love.
Next, second part of verse 4, “Love is kind.”
What is kindness? I like the 1828 Webster’s dictionary definition for kindness, it says, “Good will; benevolence; that temper or disposition which delights in contributing to the happiness of others, which is exercised cheerfully in gratifying their wishes, supplying their wants or alleviating their distresses.”
Delighting in contributing to the happiness of others. As my grandma Monica always said, “It’s nice to be nice.” Niceness isn’t always bad either, as long as it’s seen as part of a bigger whole of what it means to be loving.
Does it make you glad to contribute to help someone else? I know it does for me. That’s part of love.
Prayer of Kindness: Lord, please show me how to practice kindness, even when it's hard. I choose kindness in my heart, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, third part of verse 4, “It does not envy.”
What is envy? Being envious is seeing someone who has a nice car, nice house, nice watch, nice smartphone, and instead of being happy for them, we envy them, we want what they have. We get envious, jealous, angry that they have something we don’t.
Envy is a nasty emotion. We want to pray if we struggle with envy, ask God to help us with that. Put off envy. Replace it with gratitude for what we do have.
Next, third part of verse 4, “It does not envy.”
What is envy? Being envious is seeing someone who has a nice car, nice house, nice watch, nice smartphone, and instead of being happy for them, we envy them, we want what they have. We get envious, jealous, angry that they have something we don’t.
Envy is a nasty emotion. We want to pray if we struggle with envy, ask God to help us with that. Put off envy. Replace it with gratitude for what we do have.
Prayer against Envy: Father, we repent of envy. We repent of desiring things others have. Lord change our heart, we surrender our heart to you, we choose to be grateful for all we have, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, still verse 4, “it does not boast.”
We also want to avoid bragging. I did this, I did that, I’m so great, look at me.
I remember at my Grandma Bernie’s funeral, all of these people kept coming forward talking about how Grandpa had mentored them, how he had prayed with them, given them something, led them to the Lord, and Grandpa had never told anyone about all those things he did.
That’s how we should be. We should not be bragging, look at all these people I helped, look at what I do for God. We do want to shine our light. But we don’t want to brag about how great we are.
Next, still verse 4, “it does not boast.”
We also want to avoid bragging. I did this, I did that, I’m so great, look at me.
I remember at my Grandma Bernie’s funeral, all of these people kept coming forward talking about how Grandpa had mentored them, how he had prayed with them, given them something, led them to the Lord, and Grandpa had never told anyone about all those things he did.
That’s how we should be. We should not be bragging, look at all these people I helped, look at what I do for God. We do want to shine our light. But we don’t want to brag about how great we are.
Prayer against Boasting: Father, we don't want to be people who brag, forgive us for times we've been boastful. We find our self worth in you, not in things we've done, we repent of boasting, we choose to honor others before ourselves, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, similar to boasting, “It is not proud.” Pride is thinking highly of ourselves. Pride is thinking how great we are at what we do. Pride is looking at ourselves constantly and being impressed. Lord save us from pride! Pride is what caused the angels to fall and become demons. Replace pride with humility. Stay humble. Know you are merely a servant of God, nothing more.
Prayer against Pride: Lord, you know my heart, I seek your mercy, I throw off pride, I repent of pride, and I put on humility, in Jesus name, amen.
Next in verse 5, ‘it does not dishonor others.”
In the original Greek of this phrase, aschēmoneō, (as-kay-mon-eh'-o) it means to “prepare disgrace for someone.” It’s like setting someone up to look stupid or setting someone up to be criticized. I see this in social groups all the time, one of the guys tries to make the other guy look stupid, tries to manipulate the conversation to make the other guy look bad, and make himself look good.
Biblical love of course doesn’t set others up for failure or try to push others down to promote ourselves or make ourselves look good. Guard against that.
Prayer against Dishonoring Others: Father, I'm sorry for times that I've put others down, even passively, to promote my own position or status in a group, I repent of that behavior, and I choose to build others up, even my enemies, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, still verse 5, “it is not self-seeking.” What a great phrase, self seeking is talked about a lot in 12 step fellowship groups. It’s the lifestyle of selfishly pushing for your own way, trying to manipulate events to go the way you want. Self-will run riot is a dangerous thing.
Being self-seeking is something we want to avoid. We should instead seek God’s will for our lives. Not what we want.
Prayer against Self-Seeking: Lord, forgive me for times when I've made it about my own agenda, I repent of selfish self-seeking, and I put your will ahead of my own plans, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, “it is not easily angered.” Love is not easily angered. Do you have a bad temper? Do you get angry too quickly? I know it’s something I had to fight in the past. And I realized in time, it had to do with a deeply rooted insecurity in me. So if you’re struggling with anger, find out what’s underneath the anger.
Is it a bad memory? Is it a way you were mistreated in the past? Sit down and talk about what the feeling is connected to. Let it out. Heal from the pain. And next time, the anger won’t be as strong.
Prayer against Excessive Anger: Father, not all anger is evil, but, forgive me Father when I've been too angry, or sinned in my anger, I repent of that misuse of anger, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, “it keeps no record of wrongs.” How often do we see this in romantic relationships or friendships? One person keeps a record of every wrong thing that was done by the other. Then the other person brings up the record in an argument. We’ve got to get rid of these records, forgive each other, and move forward.
Then again, if you do notice a pattern of mistreatment or abuse, you should recognize that and deal with it with the other person. But once they’ve changed, let go of the record. Don’t keep bringing it up. We’ve got to forgive those hurts, and move forward.
Prayer against Record of Wrongs: Father, forgive me for times when I've kept a record of hurts that others have done to me, and used those things against them, I throw that record away right now, in Jesus name, amen.
And then it says, verse 6, part 1, “Love does not delight in evil.” This is one of those aspects of love that distinguish it from niceness.
Niceness says I love you and keep sinning all you want. Love says, I love you my friend, but I notice something in your life isn’t right, God can help you be free from that sin. Niceness just says oh just do whatever you like. Love says: God has something better for you then that. Notice niceness just goes along to get along, it just wants to be liked, love brings up a hard truth to help the person, but in so doing, they risk the relationship. It’s sacrificial.
Love doesn’t delight in evil, it can’t.
Prayer against Delighting in Evil: Father, there have been times that I've laughed at a nasty joke, or laughed at sin, or even encouraged someone living in sin by my silence or words, Lord forgive me, I repent, help me to be bold to resist evil in all it's forms, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, so love does not delight in evil, “but, it rejoices with the truth.”
What does it mean to rejoice with the truth? It’s as simple as hearing something at Bible study or at morning church and you say, “Amen!” Because the Holy Spirit in you rejoices and says, “that’s true!” I love the truth so much. And I hate lies. We will rejoice in truth, in the way of love. And evil will make us sick.
So, if we are in fact putting off the eight negative characteristics that we want to avoid, and putting on the 8 positive characteristics of love, we will then be fulfilling the command in scripture which says to “follow the way of love.”
This is the way of love.
Let’s review today… Take a look at the picture at the top of this post. The white arrows represent the actions of the Holy Spirit we take in cooperation with the Spirit, we actively put off the old ways, the unloving ways. And then the Holy Spirit also helps us to put on the new ways of love which come from above, from God.
Next, similar to boasting, “It is not proud.” Pride is thinking highly of ourselves. Pride is thinking how great we are at what we do. Pride is looking at ourselves constantly and being impressed. Lord save us from pride! Pride is what caused the angels to fall and become demons. Replace pride with humility. Stay humble. Know you are merely a servant of God, nothing more.
Prayer against Pride: Lord, you know my heart, I seek your mercy, I throw off pride, I repent of pride, and I put on humility, in Jesus name, amen.
Next in verse 5, ‘it does not dishonor others.”
In the original Greek of this phrase, aschēmoneō, (as-kay-mon-eh'-o) it means to “prepare disgrace for someone.” It’s like setting someone up to look stupid or setting someone up to be criticized. I see this in social groups all the time, one of the guys tries to make the other guy look stupid, tries to manipulate the conversation to make the other guy look bad, and make himself look good.
Biblical love of course doesn’t set others up for failure or try to push others down to promote ourselves or make ourselves look good. Guard against that.
Prayer against Dishonoring Others: Father, I'm sorry for times that I've put others down, even passively, to promote my own position or status in a group, I repent of that behavior, and I choose to build others up, even my enemies, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, still verse 5, “it is not self-seeking.” What a great phrase, self seeking is talked about a lot in 12 step fellowship groups. It’s the lifestyle of selfishly pushing for your own way, trying to manipulate events to go the way you want. Self-will run riot is a dangerous thing.
Being self-seeking is something we want to avoid. We should instead seek God’s will for our lives. Not what we want.
Prayer against Self-Seeking: Lord, forgive me for times when I've made it about my own agenda, I repent of selfish self-seeking, and I put your will ahead of my own plans, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, “it is not easily angered.” Love is not easily angered. Do you have a bad temper? Do you get angry too quickly? I know it’s something I had to fight in the past. And I realized in time, it had to do with a deeply rooted insecurity in me. So if you’re struggling with anger, find out what’s underneath the anger.
Is it a bad memory? Is it a way you were mistreated in the past? Sit down and talk about what the feeling is connected to. Let it out. Heal from the pain. And next time, the anger won’t be as strong.
Prayer against Excessive Anger: Father, not all anger is evil, but, forgive me Father when I've been too angry, or sinned in my anger, I repent of that misuse of anger, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, “it keeps no record of wrongs.” How often do we see this in romantic relationships or friendships? One person keeps a record of every wrong thing that was done by the other. Then the other person brings up the record in an argument. We’ve got to get rid of these records, forgive each other, and move forward.
Then again, if you do notice a pattern of mistreatment or abuse, you should recognize that and deal with it with the other person. But once they’ve changed, let go of the record. Don’t keep bringing it up. We’ve got to forgive those hurts, and move forward.
Prayer against Record of Wrongs: Father, forgive me for times when I've kept a record of hurts that others have done to me, and used those things against them, I throw that record away right now, in Jesus name, amen.
And then it says, verse 6, part 1, “Love does not delight in evil.” This is one of those aspects of love that distinguish it from niceness.
Niceness says I love you and keep sinning all you want. Love says, I love you my friend, but I notice something in your life isn’t right, God can help you be free from that sin. Niceness just says oh just do whatever you like. Love says: God has something better for you then that. Notice niceness just goes along to get along, it just wants to be liked, love brings up a hard truth to help the person, but in so doing, they risk the relationship. It’s sacrificial.
Love doesn’t delight in evil, it can’t.
Prayer against Delighting in Evil: Father, there have been times that I've laughed at a nasty joke, or laughed at sin, or even encouraged someone living in sin by my silence or words, Lord forgive me, I repent, help me to be bold to resist evil in all it's forms, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, so love does not delight in evil, “but, it rejoices with the truth.”
What does it mean to rejoice with the truth? It’s as simple as hearing something at Bible study or at morning church and you say, “Amen!” Because the Holy Spirit in you rejoices and says, “that’s true!” I love the truth so much. And I hate lies. We will rejoice in truth, in the way of love. And evil will make us sick.
Prayer of Rejoicing: Lord, help us always to rejoice with the truth, give us hearts that love the truth always, grant us the gift of discernment, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, “love always protects.” The word here is rendered by some translations as bears. The Greek word gives the picture of someone setting aside slights or disagreements, covering over those things, and instead focusing on the good.
When I have a disagreement with a loved one, family, with my wife, or a friend, I will tend to try and overlook it, ignore it, focus on the things I love about them. Let’s try to do that too, when others hurt us, cover over the bad, focus on the good. Anyone in a marriage knows that we have to bear up with the faults of our loved ones.
Prayer of Protection: Lord, we cover over our loved ones, we protect them, but we also cover over their past wrongs, and we focus on the things we love about them, in Jesus name, amen.
Notice the word “always” keeps appearing. It gives us a picture of constantly repeating the character trait. Repeat it, repeat it again, all our lives.
“it always trusts.” For our relationship with God we want to “always trust.” For our relationship with friends and family, we want to “always trust.” Does that mean that we trust a stranger necessarily? No I don’t think so. But we do trust that God’s word can do something in their lives. Always trust I think primarily is a mindset of being a trusting person who trusts God and trusts others, and isn’t prone to bitter mistrust.
Prayer of Trust: Lord, heal our hurts from situations where our trust was broken or hurt. We choose to trust again, even if it makes us vulnerable, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, “Love always hopes.” A characteristic of being a loving person is being hopeful. Hopeful for the other. Hopeful for the future. Hopeful for the promises of God. Hopeful in general.
I know that’s hard for many of us here who have been through many hardships and have mental and physical health issues, but we can obey this to always be hopeful. Don’t be a pessimist, don’t be a negative person, cultivate hope.
That may take healing for some of us here. I confess I battle bitterness and negativity. But God is helping me. I pray about it, and he helps.
Prayer of Hope: Lord, we throw off bitterness, we throw off negativity, and we embrace your call to hope, we hope in the Lord today, forgive us for the sin of discouragement, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, “love always perseveres.” Love doesn’t give up. Love keeps going. Love stands the test. Love continues through the difficulties. Don’t give up friends.
And the last characteristic of love is that “love never fails.” Does that mean we never make a mistake? No. Love never fails means that love doesn’t fall to the ground, love doesn’t end up powerless. Love will continue always in our hearts, if we are living out these principles of what it means to be loving. The result will be, love never fails. Love will continue.
Next, “love always protects.” The word here is rendered by some translations as bears. The Greek word gives the picture of someone setting aside slights or disagreements, covering over those things, and instead focusing on the good.
When I have a disagreement with a loved one, family, with my wife, or a friend, I will tend to try and overlook it, ignore it, focus on the things I love about them. Let’s try to do that too, when others hurt us, cover over the bad, focus on the good. Anyone in a marriage knows that we have to bear up with the faults of our loved ones.
Prayer of Protection: Lord, we cover over our loved ones, we protect them, but we also cover over their past wrongs, and we focus on the things we love about them, in Jesus name, amen.
Notice the word “always” keeps appearing. It gives us a picture of constantly repeating the character trait. Repeat it, repeat it again, all our lives.
“it always trusts.” For our relationship with God we want to “always trust.” For our relationship with friends and family, we want to “always trust.” Does that mean that we trust a stranger necessarily? No I don’t think so. But we do trust that God’s word can do something in their lives. Always trust I think primarily is a mindset of being a trusting person who trusts God and trusts others, and isn’t prone to bitter mistrust.
Prayer of Trust: Lord, heal our hurts from situations where our trust was broken or hurt. We choose to trust again, even if it makes us vulnerable, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, “Love always hopes.” A characteristic of being a loving person is being hopeful. Hopeful for the other. Hopeful for the future. Hopeful for the promises of God. Hopeful in general.
I know that’s hard for many of us here who have been through many hardships and have mental and physical health issues, but we can obey this to always be hopeful. Don’t be a pessimist, don’t be a negative person, cultivate hope.
That may take healing for some of us here. I confess I battle bitterness and negativity. But God is helping me. I pray about it, and he helps.
Prayer of Hope: Lord, we throw off bitterness, we throw off negativity, and we embrace your call to hope, we hope in the Lord today, forgive us for the sin of discouragement, in Jesus name, amen.
Next, “love always perseveres.” Love doesn’t give up. Love keeps going. Love stands the test. Love continues through the difficulties. Don’t give up friends.
And the last characteristic of love is that “love never fails.” Does that mean we never make a mistake? No. Love never fails means that love doesn’t fall to the ground, love doesn’t end up powerless. Love will continue always in our hearts, if we are living out these principles of what it means to be loving. The result will be, love never fails. Love will continue.
Persevering Prayer: Father, help us to never give up, guide us through the storms, lift us when we fall, cover us when we're exposed, guide us by your light, give us strength to never give up, in Jesus name, amen.
If you skip down to verse 13, we see how important love is: “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
When all the giftings fade in the next life, love remains as the greatest truth.
I think the first part of 1st Corinthians 14:1 tells us what all this means.
It says, “Follow the way of love.” -1 Cor 14:1
There are 16 characteristics that Paul mentions. 8 positive, 8 negative.
If you skip down to verse 13, we see how important love is: “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
When all the giftings fade in the next life, love remains as the greatest truth.
I think the first part of 1st Corinthians 14:1 tells us what all this means.
It says, “Follow the way of love.” -1 Cor 14:1
There are 16 characteristics that Paul mentions. 8 positive, 8 negative.
So, if we are in fact putting off the eight negative characteristics that we want to avoid, and putting on the 8 positive characteristics of love, we will then be fulfilling the command in scripture which says to “follow the way of love.”
This is the way of love.
Let’s review today… Take a look at the picture at the top of this post. The white arrows represent the actions of the Holy Spirit we take in cooperation with the Spirit, we actively put off the old ways, the unloving ways. And then the Holy Spirit also helps us to put on the new ways of love which come from above, from God.
