We know that Jesus was despised and rejected by the ruling elites of his time. That fact is beyond dispute. Should we be surprised then when we are rejected and despised by those around us?
I want to consider three main areas in regard to this topic:
First, how it feels to be rejected.
Second, why it happens.
Third, how to move forward.
I've never shied away from sharing my beliefs openly in the body of Christ, and I will always continue to do so. Though I've learned over the years to be more cautious and prayerful about how and what I share.
In all this, I've been involved in some controversies surrounding sermons I've preached, and ideas I've shared.
How does it feel then, to be at the center of one of these controversies? It's stressful, and straining, yet there is also an assuredness, that God is there. Often, the end result is positive. The seed of it produces what it should. Yet at the same time resentments develop. And accusations are made. Soon, there is a result that is not positive. At least in my own heart. It is a sense of feeling rejected by people.
There are three things I've heard spoken to me in the church, by leaders and heroes in the body.
The first is, "I know you." This often occurs when I first introduce myself to someone I've not met before. They usually will shake my hand, while glaring back at me, and declare, "I know you." What they are saying is, they've heard of me. And what I often see in their eyes, is hatred, or disgust.
They've heard gossip about me. And they've already decided, without ever speaking to me, that they believe I am bad, or they hate me. This is one I hear often: "I know you." What's ironic, is that they don't know me. They've never spoken to me. But they've listened to gossip, gossip they should've rebuked or at least ignored, and they took that information and decided to reject me before ever getting to know me.
This is always painful. We as human beings have an innate desire to be liked, to be valued, and to feel accepted. Many will even compromise some of their core beliefs in trade for a sense of feeling accepted. So it's a dark feeling to sense that you are rejected and even despised by another human being.
But more so, it makes me sad. Because I wish they would give someone a fair hearing, sit down and talk to them, before outright rejecting them.
The second thing I hear is even more painful. This often comes from someone who honestly does agree with me on many of the things I've written and spoken about. Yet there remains a disdain.
They say to me: "I don't know you." What they are saying is, "I don't recognize your right to speak into this group." They agree, but the rebuke remains, as they declare a sense of "who is this person who dares to speak?" They seem to imply, I agree with you, but I don't recognize your right to speak.
What's ironic is that they do know me, our kindred perspectives as well as our unity in the body makes us brothers, family, but, they offer rejection none-the-less.
How does this feel? It leads to a lot of hurt, and sorrow. But it's never made me question what I know: God has called me to speak His word. I dare to continue speaking.
Honestly, this group is a minority among so many brothers and sisters who have come along side me, sensed the Spirit in my ministry, and encouraged me, believed in my authority to speak, and rallied around the causes I championed.
Yet what I've learned is that there is a whole subset of the body of believers that feel this way. They feel odd, ignored, rejected, and unseen, because they don't have the right connections or the right ideas.
Often these are capable leaders, yet they are overlooked because their best efforts go unseen. They've been tagged and marked as "one of those people." Yet how poorly the tag fits, for many perceived outcasts.
How can this problem be remedied?
First, we have to be radically dedicated to the leading of the Holy Spirit. In the Spirit, we'll have a sense of total impartiality, as far as who should be where, the only question is talent level, ability, and most of all, the leading of the Holy Spirit. Where does God want this person to serve? This takes radical impartiality, a complete dedication to placing based on the Spirit.
Second, we have to change our mindset. In the world it's very normal, though it shouldn't be, that we target those we dislike, or those we perceive as a threat, and we do something called "gossiping, rallying, and shaming."
We gossip about the person in question. We rally others to the claim that this person is wrong. And we shame the person publicly, they are bad, and here is why.
Gossiping, rallying, shaming,. it's common in junior high, high school. We destroy those we dislike. It's common also in politics, polarize their name, claim they are controversial, and with those words, we polarize that person, so people draw away from connection to that person or cause, because it's socially costly to do so.
This is not the way of Christianity though. The Christian pattern is found in Matthew 18. Go directly to the person, go to the person with one other, if they still refuse to listen, warn the church (group) publicly at that point. But not before that point.
If you've found yourself the target of rejection and hatred from fellows in the church, understand that it's to be expected. Jesus was hated and reject. The Apostle Paul was hated and mistreated in the church. Moses was complained against. The prophets were rejected and persecuted. The judges were resisted. David faced constant danger, rejection, despair, yet one day he became King.
Understand that disagreement is not rejection. We will in the church have discussions and disagreements. It's to be expected. I've never felt someone hated me just because we disagreed.
We should hope that rejection and hatred would not occur at all in the church. But we also understand that it will happen. That doesn't make it OK, but it is a reality. We should fight against it and pray against it. But we should also have our armor on each day, the armor of God, so that it doesn't poison us and lead to discouragement.
I confess, I've allowed rejection to lead in my life, to bitterness, resentment, and worst of all discouragement. And if you struggle with something similar, pray, seek God's help, and seek outside counsel for healing. We can't succeed in ministry carrying around bitterness or discouragement. Seek healing.
In conclusion, a retired officer often comes up to me, draws me close to his eyes and says, "You matter."
That's the idea I think we need to embrace. To the one who seems to be the outsider the words should be: You matter. You have a stake in this movement. You are a leader. Your anointing is the only test, not the name, not your history, not your connections, but the anointing that the Lord has placed on you. God's will is what matters most.
You matter. Your ideas matter. We will have vigorous discussion and debate. But even if we disagree, as long as we both stand within biblical orthodoxy, we matter. And hopes matter, our dreams matter, and we need each other.
You matter outsider, never forget that. Let us pray day and night that those insiders who are authorities can see and believe in and support and uplift the rejected outsiders who linger in our midst.
Lord, have mercy on us. Thank you Jesus. Amen.
