Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Dear Emily: About Life, Death, Depression and Euthanasia

Dear Emily,

Hi. I'm Justin. I read about your story on the internet.  And I'm quite interested.  I tried to find you online so I could try to talk to you. On social media and such. But I wasn't able to do so.  I'm writing this blog post in the hope that perhaps somehow you'll see it.  

I'm quite interested in your case, and your desire to die, because you see... I've had much the same problem.  In fact I've tried to kill myself several times in the past.  

I've fought depression my entire life you see.  I'm not sure why.  It just always seemed to be there.  I've been hospitalized several times in connection to this.  I've seen dozens of counselors.  I've gone through treatment programs, in patient, outpatient, blah blah blah.  For years this went on.  My life kept getting worse and worse.

I used to lay in roads to kill myself.  For some reason no car would ever come.  I stood in the highway once.  A car almost hit me.  

I've been to the darkest places imaginable, inside my own mind.  And I've felt the horror of the unending battle.  And the day filled with gloom.  The gray scale life, day in and day out, never ending.  

Today I still battle the depression.  But life is good today.  And I'd like to tell you about what changed my life.  

You said that it felt as though there were a monster inside your rib cage.  And it was always there.  What I'm about to tell you won't remove the monster. But it will put that monster in a cage.  

Do you believe in God Emily?  Have you ever explored down that eminent road?  No counselor will tell you about it.  They never told me.  No mental hospital will hand you a Bible.  No doctor will suggest a spiritual road.  Why?  I suppose perhaps they can't or their profession comes from a different worldview.  But ultimately the question must be asked: Is God real?

Don't you see Emily, if there is no God, and you and I are simply evolved pond scum then it would be entirely reasonable to have a needle stuck in your arm and have your life ended?  If we're just accidentally here, on Earth, then it doesn't really matter.  But if there is actually life after death, then it does matter.  Everything matters, every choice matters.  

If there is nothing, just the great blank darkness, then I can fully understand euthanasia.  But the truth is, there is hope.  There is life after the grave.  God is real.

Much of the western world has turned from such beliefs.  Why? I'm not sure really.  But I grew being trained in religious faith, in the United States, but I rejected it.  

I watched the documentary about you, and you were asked about death.  And you said, "I'm not religious."  And you said that you think of death as something to do with personal peace, related to your personal experience of peace.  My blog is called a lifestyle of peace.  I recall at that moment in the documentary, the sky went from overcast, to sunny, and light shined down on you.

You said "I'm not religious."  Why not try this Christian road?  That's what happened to me.  My family was praying for me.  I was all kinds of lost.  Got involved in drugs.  All sorts of terrible things.  And they were praying for me.  I started carrying a Bible around with me, reading from it.  I thought, maybe there is hope here.  Many say there is.  Could they all be wrong?  

If God is really real.  And he has revealed himself through Jesus Christ, and his word, then it's exactly what your missing. If we need Jesus to cause us to be born again, and we're broken and empty until that happens, then Jesus is exactly who you need.  A living Jesus. 

So Emily, could you give it a try?  Could you begin a spiritual journey and ask God: Are you real?  Jesus are you really alive, are you really who you say you are in the Bible?  Jesus would you reveal yourself to me?  

You've tried everything else, right?  You've even applied and been accepted to be euthanized.  But something kept you from it.  Something inside stopped you.  I believe that something that stopped you is God.  Begin that journey.  Try it out at least.  There is nothing left to lose, when you've already lost everything.  Right?  I know.  I did lose it all.  And I went to rock bottom.  It was there I realized something.  

I realized: Maybe, just maybe Jesus Christ can help me.  I've done all the drugs.  I've tried all the medications.  I've been to the hospitals, seen the counselors, read the books.  But maybe, just maybe God is real.  And he's really out there.  And he really cares about me.  I recall at rock bottom, in the opaque darkness I cried out, cried out with all my might, in tears, in bitterness, in despair: JESUS HELP ME JESUS SAVE ME PLEASE, please.. please.. please.  And my life changed.  The monster got locked in a cage.  The battle wasn't over.  But suddenly, joy was possible.  I could feel again.  And I was alive.  The darkness no longer had me.  I had come into the light. 

Could it change you too Emily?  Could it mend up your broken heart?  Could Jesus really be the light to ignite in your darkness?  I'm betting He could.  There is nothing left to lose.  There is nowhere else to go my friend.  You might as well seek him.  Ask him to reveal himself to you.  Carry a Bible around with you and read from it.  Do as I did.  Call out to Jesus.

I'll be praying for you.  As my family prayed for me.  I hope I will get a chance to talk to you about these things.  Take care my friend.  I know how you feel. I've been where you've been.  


Justin Steckbauer